Despite the vague title of this page, this is a listing of things that I have said from time to time - quotes from my standup, pickup lines used to pick up women, and "What were you thinking when you said that?" type phrases. I have a habit of of saying whatever comes to mind regardless of relevance or obviousness. (I'll throw more at you soon.)

"They say laughter is contagious. I can see that will not be a problem tonight."

"I will not pose nude after I get famous."

"Raisins are just dried up grapes!"

"Everytime I have a 50/50 chance, I end up losing, well, at least half the time."

"Careful, my contents are hot."

"I played strip poker with Superman -- What a mistake -- Who knew that thing was a one piece."

"It's time to let Nelly out of his cage."

"Every time when it’s listed in no particular order, I’m listed first. This is the only time I’m first."